Henry: *does happy dance* Second wife is dead! Next wife on the Rotissamat!

Jane Seymour: I am so very happy and proper and English. I even pawn my jewelry to take care of my husband’s temporarily illegitimate daughter, cause I’m a feminist like that.

Princess Mary: *is totally legitimate again, for now!* But I’m still Catholic!

Henry: O rly?

Cromwell: Take that, monasteries!

Underling: We totally pwned the church. BTW, we’ve now stolen MEEELIONS of pounds from them!

Cromwell: That probably won’t end well.

The People of England: You bastards, you killed Kenny! We mean the monasteries.

Cromwell: *to king* This is TOTALLY not my fault.

Henry: I KEEL you! And kill all the peasants, too! You, Charles, kill them all!

Charles Brandon: Uh, right away my liege! I’m so totally not sympathetic to them at all! I really love Cromwell too and won’t turn on him later!

Cromwell:

Jane: Please don’t kill the women and children.

Henry: What are you, new here? *holds up head of previous wife*

Jane:

Henry: Cromwell, you said they’d LOVE it if we pwned the monasteries!

Cromwell: My bad.

Jane: *is secretly Catholic*

Henry: Are you still not pregnant? We’ve been married five whole minutes.

Jane:

Henry: Cromwell, take this down and proclaim it to the rebels: You all suck, but you have to do what I say, because I am your king.

Festering Wound on Henry’s Leg: Hello! I’ve finally decided to show up. Henry will now get morbidly obese!

Henry:

NEXT WEEK:

Henry: Damn! Another wife bites the dust!

Anne of Cleves: *is Joss Stone*

Henry:

Anne of Cleves: *is naked*

Henry: Jane and the first wife named Anne were hotter. Whose idea was this?

Anne of Cleves:

Cromwell:

Princess Mary: HE’S A WITCH! BURN HIM!

Cromwell: *points at Brandon* This is all his fault for not killing the women and children!

Charles Brandon: I really don’t want to kill everyone.

Henry: Do it or I KEEL you!

Charles Brandon:

Henry: