Weapon X came up to me with a mini-bag of Cool Ranch Doritos shortly after dinner and asked me to open it. I informed him that if he was hungry, he needed to finish his dinner, and not eat chips, especially since he had a bag of Fritos earlier.

When I came into the living room a little while later, I found him eating the Doritos. I said, “I thought I told you not to eat any more chips.”

He turned to me very solemnly and said, “Mama, I going to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a boy named C******** A Big Boy. He wanted to eat blue chips. He couldn’t open the bag, so he used his teeth. And then it opened.”

I said, “Oh really? That’s a hell of a story.”

He said, “Yep,” and ate a chip.