This is my kids’ favorite show right now, and it’s one of the few shows I like watching with them. I love the songs they do (Bow chicka bow wow – that’s what my baby says!) and I love Perry the Platypus. And when Phineas says “Yes. Yes, we are.” It’s so hilarious. As they say on HP: The Musical, it’s totally awesome. So yay Disney for coming up with this show. The boys hear the song come on and yell, “Phineas and Ferb! My favorite show!”
And because I love YouTube, some clips:
I don’t remember ever seeing a word about this show on NBC. I just noticed it on Hulu tonight and took a peek at the pilot… and watched for four hours. I’m three episodes in now, and totally enamored with this show. It’s excellent. The world they’ve constructed is fascinating. I love the terrible beauty of the butterflies, powerful imagery that’s both uplifting and sinister. The characters are compelling and the storyline is well plotted. I am going to watch the next 3 episodes and then eagerly await next Saturday’s new episode. How could they not advertise this gem? What are you thinking, NBC?
It apparently is on the chopping block. It seems a lot of shows I’ve really fallen for have gotten the chop. Firefly, New Amsterdam, Dresden Files… Sigh. Don’t cancel Kings, please. Let it find it’s audience. It’s wonderful. You did such good casting. Found great writers. Wait for the audience to find it.
And for the love of God, quite rearranging your lineup every other month. I can hardly remember when shows I like come on, every station is playing musical prime time slots. I have to check IMDb to see when a show comes on, and half the time I wind up watching it on Hulu cause I missed an episode thanks to the ever-changing lineup.
I tried watching “King Arthur” when it first came to video and couldn’t make it 20 minutes in. It’s on tonight and I’ve had it on in the background while doing stuff online and WOW. It’s really bad. Really, really bad. Even Clive Owen can’t save it. Man. This is truly awful. Crap. I’m turning it off now and heading to bed. It’s been a crappy day mostly. Hopefully tomorrow will be better – but I have to take my car in for inspection, so I’ll probably have more annoyances tomorrow.
Henry: Y’all, it’s totally not my fault that I haven’t done the queen yet. Probably the Universe is against it. Am I right?
Courtiers: Uh, yeah, that makes sense.
Cromwell: 
Brandon: 
Henry: I don’t need to be friends with the Prods any more. There better be a way to get me out of this.
Brandon: Remember, it was all Cromwell’s idea.
Anne of Cleves: Yet again, I’m wearing totally kick-ass costume, except this weird thing across my chest. Hey Princess Mary, what up?
Mary: My cool hat totally doesn’t compete with your bangin’ costume, despite the weird thing across your chest.
Anne: I found you a boyfriend. My cousin, the Duke of Bavaria!
Mary: He’s a Prod, isn’t he?
Anne: He’s hot! What should I tell him?
Mary: 
I’m probably not going to get a better offer. Tell him to ask my dad but don’t get his hopes up.
Gregory Cromwell: Bet you didn’t know he had a kid, eh? Here’s your pills, Dad.
Cromwell: I’m instituting socially progressive policies left and right!
Gregory: Does the king still hate on you?
Cromwell: Don’t worry about that.
Brandon: Sorry you haven’t managed to catch ol’ Reggie Pole, Sir Eyepatch. The king’s kind of over it right now though.
Sir Eyepatch: Sheesh, why doesn’t he just sleep around like he used to?
Brandon: He needs some S&M or costumes or something now, I don’t know.
Sir Eyepatch: Oh, well I can help him with THAT, shoot. I can find a dozen freaky chicks.
Brandon: 
Mary: Who the hell are you?
Random courtier – OR SO HE SEEMS!: You are SO. HOT.
Mary: Duke Philip of Bavaria?
Philip: 
Can I kiss your hand, if you know what I mean?
Mary: Wow, you’re way hot for a Prod. 
Sir Eyepatch: I found a hussie to 
amuse the king. Catherine Howard. Distantly related to the Boleyns, as am I.
Brandon and Edward Seymour: Is she pretty? And young?
Catherine Howard: *is totally pretty and way too young for Henry* I’m barely literate and am clearly not the sharpest crayon in the box!
Brandon: Slut. He’s gonna love her.
Edward Seymour: She’s perfect.
Mary: I’m going to try to dress to outdo Anne this time. Dammit! Where does she get this wardrobe? Good thing I have great hair.
Anne: So, how did you like my cuz?
Mary: He was all right.
Anne: He’s smart and hot and likes you. What’s not to like?
Philip: I would totally be a rockin’ husband for Mary. How awesome am I?
Mary: *swoons*
Brandon: I think I can get you out on a technicality, Henry.
Henry: Who is THAT?
Edward: The king seems to have noticed you, Catherine. Just be yourself. He likes sluts.
Brandon: She’s a relation of the Duke of Norfolk.
Henry: She’s sluttastic. Bring her backstage *bowchickabowbow*
Catherine: *is giggly, young, and stupid*
Henry: Huh. I like her. She’s barely even literate.
Philip: *is really hot and sweet*
Mary: *kisses him* Damn, I like this guy.
Catherine: Can I touch your big ring, if you know what I mean?
Henry: Wow, you really are slutty.
Cromwell: Nonesuch is almost complete. Bet you thought we’d forgotten that subplot.
Henry: Let’s gift Catherine Howard with some crap we stole off other people. Land, and a house. And I hear we have a loophole in the wedding contract with Anne?
Cromwell: Not… really…
Henry: We’re still buds, you know.
Cromwell:
Brandon: The French might want to hang again. And they say you should get rid of Cromwell.
Henry:
Sir Eyepatch: *rowing down a really cool river set* Here’s some cheap plastic jewelry from the king. Oh and I brought him along. Late at night. Haha!
Henry: What up, slut. Let’s get it on.
Catherine: No one can roll around naked on a bed like a Boleyn girl.
Brandon: *is plotting with the Seymours, Sir Eyepatch, and some random bishop*
Gregory: You’re a grandpa! I have a son!
Cromwell: 
Prince Edward: *is seriously cute*
Cromwell: *is under arrest* What the…? You all suck!
Mary: *is wearing a German style gown* I’m friendlier to Anne now that she set me up with her hottastic cousin! I love him!
Anne: You better sit down. Your dad sent Philip back to Bavaria.
Mary: Oh that’s… okay. I didn’t like him anyway. 
Random Bishop: Cromwell sucks! Let’s kill him!
Crowd: He’s a witch! Burn him!
Bishop: *makes up some bullshit to slander Cromwell*
Crowd: Burn him!
Henry: Why don’t you take a vacation in the country, Anne?
Anne: Uh, thanks.
Henry: Seymour, make Cromwell sign something to back up my annulment.
Cromwell: *looks surprisingly skinny without his big robes*
Brandon: Write something to say Henry never did Anne, and never liked her, or he will keel you. Check out all the fur I’m wearing.
Cromwell: What? Uh, okay.
Brandon: *is enjoying this far too much*
Cromwell: *writes* Please please don’t kill me.
Brandon, Seymours, Eyepatch, and Bishop: 
Lady Brandon: Y’all are a bunch of assholes.
Cromwell: Oh, man.
Headsman: *is drunk thanks to Eyepatch*
Seymour: Queen, your marriage is annulled.
Anne: Shit.
Seymour: You’ll get a bunch of money in a settlement, and the king will call you his Beloved Sister. If this were reality, you’d actually be on pretty good terms with him after this, and be the wife who lives the longest of all his wives.
Anne: I suppose that’s better than having sex with that horrible ulcer…
Crowd at execution: *is even less respectful than when Anne Boleyn was killed*
Cromwell: I’m really sorry, and the king is awesome.
Henry: Check out this ridiculous palace I’m building.
Catherine: Sweet. Is that a sex swing?
Henry: This probably won’t end well, but damn she’s hot.
Headsman: No Nearly Headless Nick jokes, please, this is actually quite horrifying.
Cromwell: Dude, make Anne look pretty if she isn’t hot enough.
Holbein: I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
Cromwell: Just do it. Council, France and Italy are bad, and they are out to get us. Holy Roman Empire and Spain too. And the Scots. Everyone hates us, basically.
Charles Brandon: Well, we do have an army.
Henry: The Pope is a bastard! He wants to take my money, which I took off the monasteries in the first place!
Council: How dare he!
Henry: I’ll go wander about the countryside so everyone can see how awesome I am. It’ll totally improve morale.
Edward Seymour: Suffolk, can I have a word?
Charles Brandon: 
*blows him off*
Cromwell: *cough* See, Anne of Cleves is way better than that Duchess you liked.
Henry: She looks pretty hot in this Holbein painting.
Cromwell: Um, yeah. We’d get some military backup from the Protestants if you married her.
Henry: I got 99 problems, and a bitch is one.
Random Soldiers: Oh shit! It’s the Spanish Armada!
Envoys to Duke of Cleves: Henry totally thinks your sister is hot.
Duke: O rly? He hasn’t sucked up enough.
Envoys:
Duke: Henry needs to come here and kiss my ass in person if he wants to marry my sister.
Henry: We’re all wearing a lot of fur this season. Good thing PETA isn’t around in the 16th century.
Charles Brandon: There’s a couple dozen Imperial ships in the channel. They swear they’re just merchants going back to Spain, and aren’t going to bomb us at all. False alarm?
Henry: Yo, Spanish Ambassador, I thought you’d finally gone. So Spain and France are BFFs and hate me?
Spanish Ambassador: No, it was all bullshit. Oh and the Duchess of Milan is single, actually.
Henry: Fucking French and Spanish assholes!
Spanish Ambassador:
Henry: Dammit, I could’ve married the Duchess and now I’m stuck with this Cleves chick.
Envoys: Henry says he will pay you for your sister, instead of you having to pay him.
Duke of Cleves: Oh, all right, I guess he can marry her.
Envoys: 
Sir Eyepatch: *has Secret Decoder Ring* I know where Reggie Pole is!
Younger Seymour Brother:
Charles Brandon: I hear you’ve been made an earl, so I guess I’ll stop hating you. Don’t be suspicious.
Edward Seymour: I’m totally not! Let’s have a drink.
Charles Brandon: I have to pick up Anne of Cleves. Hopefully nothing goes wrong, if you know what I mean.
Edward Seymour: Yeah, that would suck, if you know what I mean.
Charles Brandon: Salut, if you know what I mean.
Princess Mary: Dad is marrying a Protestant and I get no one? WTF? I hope she dies!
Spanish Ambassador: It really is genetic.
Guys in Acorn Hats: Check out our cool German clothes. We speak very gut English, nein?
Anne of Cleves: I do exist! And yes, I’m Joss Stone. Totally hiding in this veil. And a creditable accent too, as dippy starlets go.
Charles Brandon: Please be hot, please be hot… 
Why are you still wearing that veil?
Anne of Cleves: So you teach me to gamble? Ze king, he likes to gamble?
Charles Brandon: The king likes to win, if you know what I mean.
Sir Eyepatch: The cardinal is in a brothel? Is that Jackie from That 70s Show?
Little Seymour Brother: Damn, wrong cardinal.
Sir Eyepatch: Well, at least the trip wasn’t a total loss. This is a rockin’ brothel.
Reggie Pole: *prays in random chapel*
Henry: How did you NOT SEE HER FACE?
Charles Brandon: She seemed all right.
Henry: The suspense is killing me.
Charles Brandon: I hear Sir Eyepatch went to kill Reggie Pole.
Henry: Frigging Reggie Pole! I hope he dies! Damn I’m really horny.
Charles Brandon:
Henry: If they couldn’t make me fat, they did make me smarmy and pretty greasy, too. Anne of Cleves, I come for you!
Anne of Cleves: *needs better makeup, but isn’t ugly.* I am wearing some totally rockin’ costuming! And I am totally afraid of the king!
Henry: You are way not as hot as I thought you’d be. Dammit!
Anne of Cleves: Neither are you.
Henry: I gotta dip, yo.
Anne:
Henry: I like her not, Cromwell! You are screwed!
Cromwell: Oh shit.
Henry: Why is the world shitting on me? That chick is so not hot! Damn all of you! I am totally going there, too: the Flanders Mare!
Envoy: This is so not my fauly.
Henry: Cromwell. I seem to recall this was all your idea.
Cromwell: I’m, uh, really sorry. The Spanish and French are BFFs again, so we really need the Germans. You’ve got to keep them happy, man.
Henry: 
Cromwell:
Charles Brandon:
Edward Seymour:
Anne of Cleves: Seriously, could my clothes be any more awesome?
Princess Mary:
Princess Elizabeth: I still look a little weird. I think it’s the costumes.
Anne of Cleves: I don’t know how to speak to you English people. Um, hi.
Cromwell: Clap for her, lackeys! Clap!
Henry: So, here are my daughters, Mary and Elizabeth.
Anne: *totally gets along better with Elizabeth* Your daughters rock.
Cromwell: Clap again, lackeys!
Henry: I have lawyers figuring out how to get me out of this. If all else fails, I just write a new clause in my religion. I’ve gotten rid of two wives already.
Charles Brandon: Remember, this was all Cromwell’s idea.
Henry: I’m so glad we’re besties again and talk about everything.
Charles Brandon: Yeah, my agent made sure I got more screen time and got out of that damn hallucination storyline.
Cromwell: *spouts Protestant dogma to a lackey*
Lackey:
Henry: All the wardrobe money went to Anne of Cleves for this episode, so pretend you don’t notice that my jewelry is plastic. Cromwell, why the hell didn’t you get me out of this? I don’t want to sleep with her!
Cromwell:
Henry: I’m going to go get married to an ugly chick, and it’s all your fault.
Anne: Seriously, German costuming is just so much better than English. And I’m really REALLY terrified of Henry.
Henry: Flanders mare! Dammit, let’s just do this already.
Cromwell: *looks like he might throw up*
Charles Brandon, Edward and Mrs. Seymour:
Anne: Really, I’m not ugly. I’m actually pretty cute. What is Henry’s problem? Maybe it’s the accent.
Henry: Get out, lackeys, I’m going to try to sleep with Wife #4 now. 
Anne: *is actually a pretty good likeness for the real Anne of Cleves. Well done, casting director*
Henry: You are boring. My second wife, also named Anne, was really wild in bed.
Anne:
Henry: The one woman I can’t bring myself to sleep with. Sheesh.
Cromwell: So, uh, how did last night go?
Henry: She’s smelly. And she’s totally a slut. So I didn’t do her. Go away.
Cromwell:
Charles Brandon and Edward Seymour: *conspiring*
Doctor: Once again, the pus is drained. Your leg will live another day.
Henry: Doc, I can’t do my wife. Normally I can do any chick. There must be something wrong with her.
Doctor:
Anne of Cleves: Hey Cromwell. Once again, I have a kick-ass outfit on.
Cromwell: Seriously, DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HENRY SLEEP WITH YOU.
Anne: I didn’t do anything. That sore on his leg is GROSS.
Cromwell: You better figure something out. You need him to knock you up.
Anne: That’ll be hard when the king won’t sleep with me.
Cromwell:
Anne: I am a nice person, so you can kiss my ass. Go away.
Cromwell: I am so screwed.
Lady in waiting: Are you pregnant yet?
Anne: NO.
Lady in waiting: Are you sure?
Anne: YES.
Lady in waiting: You’re still a virgin, aren’t you? Do you need me to draw a diagram for you?
Anne: GO AWAY.
Henry: Okay, I’m going to fake it til I make it. Nope, dammit, not happening. Stupid leg hurts.
Anne: Jeez. When is he going to go sleep in his own bed?
NEXT WEEK:
Lackeys: Cromwell, you’re under arrest.
Charles Brandon:
Henry: I need an annulment. Cromwell, sign this affidavit that I told you I never did Anne of Cleves.
Sir Eyepatch: I found a new chick for Henry. Catherine Howard. Hot and slutty, just like he likes them.
