Tag Archives: funny kids

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The Center of the Earth

The boys have been digging for the center of the earth for two days now. It’s been nice outside, so I’ve been sending them out there to enjoy the sunshine. When I went to check on them yesterday, they informed me they were digging to the center of the earth.

“I hope we find dinosaur bones,” D added.

“Do you want to come dig too?” C asked.

I told him I’d be out in a bit.

“Okay,” C said, “but you better bring some food and a drink of water, cause it is going to take a while.”

This morning, after speech therapy, they went out for some digging time. This time when I checked on them, D explained their scheme to me and showed me how they were going to fit both of them in the hole by making it bigger, and demonstrated how big it was going to be.

“Nice,” I said.

“There is one problem, Mommy,” D added. “How are we going to get back out of the hole?”

I suggested ladders. D was not impressed but decided it was good enough for now. “Okay. We are only digging until we hit lava.”

“We want to see what color lava really is,” C put in.

After Cub Scouts, they went back out to continue their excavations. This time I brought a blanket to sit and watch the proceedings. They showed me how deep they were (about a foot), and how big the hole was (maybe 6 inches across) and explained they were having problems because they kept hitting roots and metal.

“It is probably pipes,” C said wisely.

“It better not be pipes. It’s probably a rock,” I said.

“No, it sounds like metal. I think it’s pipes. We just have to get past them.”

“Below that there is sand. And then crabs. Crabs make holes in the sand, and that keeps the beach nice,” D informed me, and demonstrated with his hands the shape crabs make in the sand.

“There aren’t any crabs down there,” I told him. “Just clay probably.”

“Clay!” C said, laughing at this ridiculous suggestion. “There is a rock layer that is like a thousand percent thick! We are going to need a jackhammer.”

“Yeah, a jackhammer,” agreed D.

I examined the hole again. There were a LOT of roots. “You know, you’d hit less roots if you weren’t digging right next to the trees. Why don’t you dig over there in the middle of the yard?”

“No, that is where I planted my orange seed,” C said, but they decided to move over to the middle of the yard near where he planted the orange seed. I explained to them about backfill and helped them fill in the first hole, then went back to my blanket while they discussed their strategy for the new hole.

“There are a lot of plants here,” D called to me.

“It’s just grass and weeds,” I told him. “Dig through them and you’ll get to the dirt.”

“And then the lava,” he said with relish, and went back to digging.

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Jackwagon!

Thanks to this commercial -

- my kids have been calling each other “jackwagon” when they’re mad at each other. It’s kind of funny, but I don’t want to encourage it, of course, so I have to not laugh when they say it.

They got Nintendo DS’s for Christmas from my mom, and have been really into Mario Kart. I think we may have to buy a second copy of that so they can play it together.

They are still obsessed with Star Wars, and play SW Battlefront all day in between playing with SW Legos, re-enacting scenes of the original trilogy, and lecturing me about SW.

Right now Twin B is pretending to be an AT-AT while Twin A holds a Lego TIE fighter and shoots him. Twin A is apparently the director, because he’s shouting at his brother, “You are ruining my Lego movie! Stop getting back up when I destroy you!” It’s really hilarious.

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What I’m Watching

Or have been watching.

“Sherlock”, the new BBC series. It was good, I enjoyed it very much. Sherlock portrayed as a sociopath with entertaining eccentricities was fun – I particularly loved when he was watching daytime tv. Watson was well-cast. Overall the move to the 21st century worked quite well.

“The Young Victoria”, the movie about young Queen Victoria. I’ve been wanting to see this for ages, so I almost leaped for joy when I saw it at Redbox. The costumes are beautiful, the actors playing Victoria and Albert both well-cast and talented, and the story was lovely. Highly enjoyable movie. Squee-worthy love scenes, in that corsets and petticoats kind of way, which I love. Lots of lovely actors: Paul Bettany (who I often recognize by his voice first, because hair and makeup often make him look so very different), Jim Broadbent, Mark Strong, Miranda Richardson, Harriet Walter. They do gloss over historical events, in the way film and tv always does, and invent one in particular, but I still really enjoyed it.

“Warehouse 13″ on the SciFi channel (I’m sorry, I refuse to use their ridiculous new misspelled name). Quite like this show. My mother is really into it, and I’ve caught a few episodes now. May have to go back and watch from the beginning.

Zahi Hawass’s “reality” show. This one cracks me up. He’s a well-known dickhead among archaeologists, and it’s hilarious to see him faking archaeology (seriously, no one believes you popped that out of the ground so easily, and by the way, you’d be wearing gloves if that were real) and yelling at fake grad students (who all have acting credits on IMDb) such gems as “You will never work for me again!” The fake grad students ask the dumbest-ass questions. The whole thing is just so very stupid that I think it’s awesome. The sheer weight of epic fail tips over into win, much like the Black Pearl righting itself to emerge from Davy Jones’ Locker.

The other thing that’s been on our tv (constantly) is the original Star Wars trilogy, which my kids are currently obsessed with, especially the AT-ATs, AT-STs, the Battle for Hoth, the Battle for Endor, exploding Death Stars, exploding AT-ATs/AT-STs, exploding X-wings, exploding speeders, and the Ewoks. They lay in their tauntaun sleeping bag (Husband’s bestie gave it to him) and watch. Over and over and over. I’m so tired of hearing about AT-ATs, y’all. And so tired of being lectured about Darth Vader. “He Luke’s dad, but now he a bad guy. He used to be a good guy, but then he was angry and did bad things, and now he on the Dark side of the Force.” There are Lego Jedi dying in my kitchen (Hoth) as we speak. Someone please make it stop.

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Tricky Kids

Last night I put the boys to bed as usual, with C on the bottom bunk and D on the top. I came back in their room an hour later when I heard them banging around in there instead of sleeping, and found C on the top bunk. I stuck my head in and said “Go to sleep!” and C responded “I’m D!”

I said, “No you’re not, go to sleep C.”

This morning when they got up, I realized they had switched shirts last night as part of their attempted deception. They cackled happily when I said “Did you guys switch shirts?” and were rather impressed that I hadn’t been fooled. “How did you know I was C?” he asked. I told him Mommy can always tell them apart. “You can’t fool me. But don’t do that to your teachers.”

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Goldilocks and the Three Misdemeanors

I tell my boys off-the-cuff fairy tales. This is often fun when I forget bits of the story one night and paste in bits of another story another night because I got them mixed up. I wing it, and I used to think they didn’t notice until they started pointing it out to me (“No, Mama, that was in Little Red Riding Hood” *rolling eyes at me*). Goldilocks is my boys’ favorite story. They request it almost every night at bedtime. I sit on their bed and attempt to tell the story, with much interruptions. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to tell a story off the top of your head with two people editorializing the entire time, but it’s hard to remember what the hell you were talking about.

At first the interruptions were just for them to self-righteously point out all of Goldilocks’ misbehavior. Then it was to do the voices of the bears, who are their favorite characters in the story. Now they want to tell parts of the story themselves. Tonight they proposed that there should be a sequel: The Three Bears Break Into Goldilocks’ House And Break Her Stuff. I told them we’d work on that one tomorrow.

Goldilocks usually goes something like this.

Me: “What story do you want tonight?”

D: “Goldilocks and the Three Bears!”

Me: “Let me hide my surprise. Okay-”

C: “I can do the ‘once upon a time’ part. Once upon a time there were three bears: a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They lived in a house in the woods. And their porridge was too hot so they went for a walk. *deep voice* My porridge is too hot! *high-pitched voice* My porridge is-”

D, exasperated: “You forgot the Goldilocks breaking into their house part.”

Me: “Do you guys want me to tell the story?”

C: “Okay, Mama.”

Me: “So there were three bears, like C said. And they went for a walk in the woods. While they were out, a little girl named Goldilocks came along and she decided to go inside their house-”

D: “Without asking permission.”

Me: “Yes, without asking permission, and she saw their porridge on the table. First she tried the papa bear’s porridge, but it was too hot. Then she tried the mama bear’s porridge, but it was too cold. Then she tried the baby bear’s porridge, and it was just right, so she ate it all up.”

C: “That was not good to do.”

Me: “No, it wasn’t. Then she went to their living room-”

D: “And her sat in all their chairs. The papa bear’s was too hard, and the mama bear’s was too soft, and the baby bear’s was just right. But she broke it!”

C: “That not very nice.”

D: *nods very smugly, as if his own conduct is always impeccable*

Me: “So Goldilocks went upstairs to take a nap. The papa bear’s bed was too hard. The mama bear’s bed was too soft. But the baby bear’s bed was just right, so she fell asleep.”

D, cackling with evil glee: “And then the bears came home!”

Me: “And they looked at their porridge and the papa bear said-”

C, in a deep growl: “Someone been eating my porridge!”

Me: “And the mama bear said, Someone’s been eating my porridge! And the baby bear said-”

C, in a high-pitched baby voice: “Someone been eating my porridge, and they ate it all up!”

Me: “So the bears went into their living room, and the papa bear said, Someone’s been sitting in my chair, and the mama bear said, Someone’s been sitting in my chair, and the baby bear said-”

C, in the baby voice: “Someone been sitting in my chair, and them BROKE IT!”

D, now getting very excited for Goldilocks to get busted: “And then they WENT UPSTAIRS!”

C, talking so fast he’s almost unintelligible, in the bear voices: “Someone’s been sleeping in our beds, and that one was too soft, and the baby bear-”

Me: “Yes. Then the bears went upstairs. And the papa bear said, Someone’s been sleeping in my bed. And the mama bear said, Someone’s been sleeping in my bed. And the baby bear said-”

D, in an even higher-pitched voice than C can manage: “Someone’s been sleeping in my bed, and there her is!”

Me: “And Goldilocks woke up, and she screamed-”

C: “I can do that. Her went, Aaaaaahhhh!”

D: *falls over laughing*

C: “Then her ran out the door-”

D: “No, she jumped out the window.”

Me: “Then she ran far far away and never bothered the bears again.”

C: “Without asking permission.”

Me: “That’s right.”

I can only imagine what will happen in the sequel. Probably Goldilocks won’t survive it.