Tag Archives: funny kids

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Midnight Monster

There was further proof today of the Midnight Monster (also called the Bednight Monster). The boys took me to their room and showed me how all their toys were on the floor, and a couple of pages had been torn out of a book. C showed me the torn edge and demonstrated how it could only have been caused by giant claws.

Apparently you can’t see the  Midnight Monster during the day, but in the dark, he turns red (with big claws) and comes out from the ground (with big claws) and messes with their toys (with big claws) and sometimes he even goes into the attic (with big claws).

Obviously, there’s no other possible explanation for their room always being trashed and their stuff torn up. Because two five-year old boys couldn’t do that kind of damage. Only a monster with big claws.

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The case for the nighttime monster

The boys came up to me this morning, C carrying an old board book with a bent cover. D said to his brother, in a brisk tone, “Okay, C.” It sounded like a lawyer telling his client to go ahead and tell the judge.

C: “Something came in our room last night and bent the cover of the ABC book.”

Me: “Oh, really? What do you think it was?”

D: “It was a nighttime monster. It bent the book with its claws.”

Me: “A nighttime monster?”

D: “Yes. We need to put the book in the trash can.”

Me: “Okay, if you want to throw it out, you can.”

C: “Thank you, Mama.”

And they ran off and tossed the book, and went back to playing in their room. Apparently nighttime monsters with claws don’t actually bother them, as they’re never scared to go to sleep or be in their room. But it is annoying when the clawed nightttime monsters mess up their books.

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I’m going to tell you a story…

Weapon X came up to me with a mini-bag of Cool Ranch Doritos shortly after dinner and asked me to open it. I informed him that if he was hungry, he needed to finish his dinner, and not eat chips, especially since he had a bag of Fritos earlier.

When I came into the living room a little while later, I found him eating the Doritos. I said, “I thought I told you not to eat any more chips.”

He turned to me very solemnly and said, “Mama, I going to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a boy named C******** A Big Boy. He wanted to eat blue chips. He couldn’t open the bag, so he used his teeth. And then it opened.”

I said, “Oh really? That’s a hell of a story.”

He said, “Yep,” and ate a chip.