Posts Tagged ‘kid humor’

C came up to me yesterday evening and said, “Mario and Luigi have a message for us. Where did all the cave people go? The Princess sent a letter and it says at dot com Mario and Luigi you can play a game with Valley of Bowser and lava dinosaurs. I want to play it all by myself on your computer, without you watching, okay? You know at Mario and Luigi dot com you can do it on some games on your computer right now. Right now, okay? That what you’re supposed to type. Right there *points to browser URL* Go all the way up there at the tippy top.”

I started laughing at him, and he gave me a look and said, “What’s so funny?”

C, sitting on his brother: “Giddyup, D.”

D: “I not a horse, I a cuckoo clock.”

C: “Giddyup, cuckoo clock.”

**

C, on a sob: “It not going to be my happy day!”

D: “I still love you, C.”

**

Overheard outside a shopping center, a mom roaring to her little boy, “No, you’re not gonna pee outside! Hold it til we get to the bathroom!”

**

Boys wrestling each other, laughing, in Payless while a baby in a stroller watched them with a delighted grin. Dinner and a show!

**

Me: “Want to go to the fabric store?”
C: “Not right now. Maybe tomorrow.”
Me: “Well maybe I’ll just go tomorrow while you’re in school.”
C: “Dat is a good idea.”

Weapon X came up to me with a mini-bag of Cool Ranch Doritos shortly after dinner and asked me to open it. I informed him that if he was hungry, he needed to finish his dinner, and not eat chips, especially since he had a bag of Fritos earlier.

When I came into the living room a little while later, I found him eating the Doritos. I said, “I thought I told you not to eat any more chips.”

He turned to me very solemnly and said, “Mama, I going to tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a boy named C******** A Big Boy. He wanted to eat blue chips. He couldn’t open the bag, so he used his teeth. And then it opened.”

I said, “Oh really? That’s a hell of a story.”

He said, “Yep,” and ate a chip.

We hit Target today for a bit of shoppin’, and the boys rode in the cart (“I toooooooo tired, Mama”) and after I had threatened them several times because they wouldn’t stop trying to kill each other in the back of the cart, they started playing pretend. They each held up a hand like they were talking on the phone, and started talking to each other.

“Hello?”

“Hi. My kids are being crazy. They’re making me nuts.”

“I know.”

“Can you do something about that for me?”

“Okay. I’ll get something on my way home.”

“Okay. I need you to do that for me.”

“Okay. Bye.”

I’m pretty sure they’re mocking me.

This morning after they got dressed, D turned to me and said, “Uh oh, Ma bad guy” and then both of them shot me with imaginary guns for a bit (I have no idea where they learned that, if they’ve ever even seen a gun on tv I’d be very surprised, it must be hardwired to the Y chromosome). After I had fallen over appropriately dead, D said, “We killed Ma. We gonna eat Ma.” Then they both pretended to eat me haha. They are so funny.